#amplifyingmelanatedvoices

Looking Forward.

Today, as everyone and their dog has been hyping up for weeks now, is the last day of 2019. 10 years ago, I was a freshman in highschool, and today I have a job, a college degree, a fianceé, and three cats. I’m not the person I was 5 years ago, let alone 10, but I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a good thing or not. Is the person I am now even a good person? Or just different?

It’s so easy to just get in here and talk about how this year is going to be a turning point, how I’m going to make my dreams happen, get everything I want starting now! …But i don’t even know what my dreams are anymore.

I know Iwant to make stuff that I like, and that other people like, and somehow be able to use that to provide for myself and my family. We want to get married, I want to have a baby more than I want anything else in the whole world. But it’s so discouraging to try and plan for the future when everything is so expensive, and your employment is not a given, and being able to afford the things you want even if you are employed is still so difficult…

I’m trying to stay hopeful. I’m not always good at it, and so often that little voice in the back of my head says “what’s even the point?” And i don’t have a good enough argument… but I can keep trying. That’s all I can ever promise 100%, is to keep trying.

So Happy New Year everyone, let’s keep trying, together, in 2020.

Day One.

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Today marks the official launch of my personal site. I hope to use this as a more professional account of my life and learning, but still allowing myself to freely be me. I will curse, I may rant, but I won’t hide anymore. I won’t put on a play for others. I always end up forgetting my lines and making it worse anyway. If you can’t separate my work from my self then keep on walking, friend. I can only be me, and I won’t change myself for you anymore.

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